Executive Dining Connoisseur Pillows

'One businessman's lunch-on-the-rocks and one businessman's special straight-up.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"Quick swig first?"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

'That's a very popular choice sir, and that's why we've sold out of it.'