Fine Dining Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I'm dying for spaghetti & meatballs but the Veal Ossobuco will look much better on Facebook."

"Would you like to smell the screw cap?"

'Do you know the pearl fishers?'

Theatre Restaurant - "It's a double bill!"

"...Today's special is the ten-day-old roadkill..."

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Expense account or regular?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"How's the salmon?"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'