Dining Connoisseurs T-Shirts

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Full English Breakfast.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

"Regular service or affected?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."