Dining Connoisseurs Pillows

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"I come here for the pepper."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Regular service or affected?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"