Business Dinner Aficionado T-Shirts

"...I said, well now that they've reached saturation point at least they're not making so many..."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Congratulations—It's a well dressed boy."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

"My compliments to the sommelier."

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'One businessman's lunch-on-the-rocks and one businessman's special straight-up.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

"My bouche was not amused."