Formal Dinner Aficionados T-Shirts

"No, mine has a gold band with diamonds, fleurs-de-lis, and four arches topped by a jewelled cross."

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Expense account or regular?"

Wine taster with mineral water

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

'Look, I'll be brief. I love you, let's eat and hit the sack.'

'I knew we should have brought your Marigolds, dear!'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

Champagne Charlie.

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

'Would you like a romantic table or are you married?'

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"I'd skip dessert. You'll be quicker on your feet."

'Like it? It's my digital vest, it calculates calories, portions and price per pound!'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'OK, who ordered the prawn cocktail?'

'I'll never forget the first time we met...when that gardener cut you in half with his spade.'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

'Congratulations, dear...the squid appears fresh!'

A Revolution In Formal Wear! The Cummertie in Four Classic Styles!

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

'A table for two?'

What's a Texas Tommy? A hot dog stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon. Little Pete's Sounds great. Does it come with anything? A coronary.

"If I were a car, you could find the words."

'I love our decadence!'

'How is everything at this table?'

'How can you hate something you've never tried?!'