Ex-girlfriend Gifts

"I've forgotten her, but I can't forget the scent of her Himalayan Pink Salt & Water Lily antibacterial hand sanitizer."

Feedback given at the end of a relationship, may or may not be appreciated,

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

'Never trust a man with testicles.'

'Let it go, man. I really don't think your ex expects you to break out to attend her wedding. I think she's moved on.'

"If you'd like a separate checks I'd like separate tables."

'My last 4 boyfriends spent more time with their cars than they did with me. I hope you don't make the same mistake.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

Time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you!...Next exit.

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

'I should have known, I oculd only ever be just the next best thing,,,' other lover is sliced bread,

"Really, Bob? You sent a drone to break up with me?!"

"That's just an old flame."

"I just thought, maybe, if we could talk, I could at least get a little closure."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"I can't find any serenity in contemplation because I keep thinking of this one girl."

"I've been with a lot of gentle woodland creatures who turned out to be real sickies."

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought you should know I have termites."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"And, Cath- even if you say no, I want you to know that you'll always be the template."

"Of course, this doesn't mean we can't still be contemporaries."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"Miss me?"

". . . Remember your old boyfriend from Pennsylvania?"

"Of all the ovens in all the kitchens, she walks into mine."

"I'm sorry, Jon, but Henry's perfect. Not only does he make me laugh, he makes me omelets, and he makes me come."

"I know we broke up months ago, but social distancing has made it too hard to meet new people."

"There are no words for the Olympian heights of my dizzying indifference to you."

Bitches I have Known...

'So you came all the way from Aberdeen to say you've found someone else and you're over me?!' 'Yes! I wanted to see the pain and sense of loss in your eyes.'

"She had her name legally changed and left the country -- Talk about playing hard to get!"

Every year at the annual 'MoveOn Swim Day', Dan really regretted having dated Grasie Wallace in high school.