Ex-girlfriend Pillows

Feedback given at the end of a relationship, may or may not be appreciated,

"I've forgotten her, but I can't forget the scent of her Himalayan Pink Salt & Water Lily antibacterial hand sanitizer."

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

'Let it go, man. I really don't think your ex expects you to break out to attend her wedding. I think she's moved on.'

Time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you!...Next exit.

'I should have known, I oculd only ever be just the next best thing,,,' other lover is sliced bread,

"That's just an old flame."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

'My last 4 boyfriends spent more time with their cars than they did with me. I hope you don't make the same mistake.'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'Never trust a man with testicles.'

"Really, Bob? You sent a drone to break up with me?!"

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

"If you'd like a separate checks I'd like separate tables."

"I just thought, maybe, if we could talk, I could at least get a little closure."

'So you came all the way from Aberdeen to say you've found someone else and you're over me?!' 'Yes! I wanted to see the pain and sense of loss in your eyes.'

Bitches I have Known...

Ha ha

Ernie - the World's Greates Optimist. My girlfriend thinks our relationship is one for the ages --- Last night she said "we're history"!

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Ernie's girlfriend didn't like his birdwatching hobby. She thinks he's too consumed by it. We broke up. She flew the coop. A little birdie told me my ex believes that I'm crazy as a loon, and birdwatching is an albatross around my neck. She thinks I'm always off on a wild goose chase, and this keeps me from moving up the pecking order at my job. The breakup doesn't upset me. It's like water off a duck's back, and now I can spread my wings! Ernie is often called a "bird brain" he takes th

I think I've really improved the quality of Francine's life! She said from now on she'll have a lot higher standards in men.

"Yes? Well, I know plenty of girls less fixated on their designer shoes!"

This is it. The law firm where Darlene works. I'm dating Laurel. We're falling for each other. It would be very destructive to go find Darlene. But it would be fun and exciting. The inside voice is so reasonable. Don't forget flowers.

Ladder of Success. My girlfriend dumped me when she found out that I have a fear of heights.

"I know we broke up months ago, but social distancing has made it too hard to meet new people."

"I'm sorry, Jon, but Henry's perfect. Not only does he make me laugh, he makes me omelets, and he makes me come."

"Of all the ovens in all the kitchens, she walks into mine."

". . . Remember your old boyfriend from Pennsylvania?"

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"Of course, this doesn't mean we can't still be contemporaries."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I know we're not dating anymore, but I thought you should know I have termites."

"It's not you—it's natural selection."