Ex-wife Pillows

'He used to be my heart-throb, now he just gives me palpitations'

Divorce Court

'My ex husband's last heart attack.'

'Bye now --pay later.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

'She got custody of the cave, the wheel, and the fire!'

'And I thought she was high maintenance when we were married.'

'Ok, you have the bowl and I'll take the water!'

"The worst part was her victory dance!"

'See the guy in the fifth row, red shirt? Do me a favor and nail him with a fastball...'

'You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.'

"On your left, you'll see the apartment where my ex-wife tore my heart out, stepped on it, and flushed it down the toilet. Also a deli."

"Since we don't have children, my ex turned the cats against me."

'Why do I get the feeling my divorce is final?' (Motorbike has been cut in half).

'I thought I'd found Mr Right - instead, he's Mr Always Bloody Right'

Pay and display - have you paid?

'It all started when my first husband told me to get a job if I thought I could do better.'

'My wife evolved into a land-dweller with another fish!'

Divorce Attorney,

'Welcome to hell...and here to make you feel at home, is your ex-wife!'

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

'Okay, then I get the Corvette ... '

'I just ran into your first wife downtown -- she makes a lot of sense.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

Lifting weights at the health club.

Call your lawyer.

"My ex husband could always make me laugh. Especially when he brought home his paycheck."

"Oh, darling, whatever happens- ever- I know I'm probably always going to remember this as one of my happiest marriages."

HUSBAND FOR SALE - Am keeping the house.

'At least the mess I make is all in one place'

"Help! My ex-wife... she shot me! It's just a tranquilizer dart, but it's the principle of the thing."

'Ferguson takes pride in naming hurricanes after his ex-wives.'

'I threatened to stay and he upped my alimony!'

'Before you decide where you'd like to live, look who's setting up shop in my living room.'