Ex-boyfriend Pillows

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

Feedback given at the end of a relationship, may or may not be appreciated,

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

'I can't go out with you anymore, Roger. You're becoming way too Bill O'Reilly-ish.'

'My last 4 boyfriends spent more time with their cars than they did with me. I hope you don't make the same mistake.'

"If you'd like a separate checks I'd like separate tables."

"That's just an old flame."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I should have known, I oculd only ever be just the next best thing,,,' other lover is sliced bread,

"Really, Bob? You sent a drone to break up with me?!"

Time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you!...Next exit.

"It's my ex. He wants to pay me a conjugal visit."

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

"I just thought, maybe, if we could talk, I could at least get a little closure."

'Let it go, man. I really don't think your ex expects you to break out to attend her wedding. I think she's moved on.'

I think I've really improved the quality of Francine's life! She said from now on she'll have a lot higher standards in men.

Ladder of Success. My girlfriend dumped me when she found out that I have a fear of heights.

Ernie - the World's Greates Optimist. My girlfriend thinks our relationship is one for the ages --- Last night she said "we're history"!

"Now make her fall in love with the roommate who's going to quit his job to become a DJ."

Bitches I have Known...

Ex-boyfriend Sleeps on Couch 'Never mind Derrick...he hasn't moved out yet.'

"When are you going to accept the fact that it's over between us?!"

'So you came all the way from Aberdeen to say you've found someone else and you're over me?!' 'Yes! I wanted to see the pain and sense of loss in your eyes.'

Look who's headed this way. It's Darlene. How do I look? Desperate and pathetic. She's engaged. She's not interested. You've got to move on. No way, she has to be here for a reason. This won't go well. One coffee to go. I do.

"Yes? Well, I know plenty of girls less fixated on their designer shoes!"

Ernie's girlfriend didn't like his birdwatching hobby. She thinks he's too consumed by it. We broke up. She flew the coop. A little birdie told me my ex believes that I'm crazy as a loon, and birdwatching is an albatross around my neck. She thinks I'm always off on a wild goose chase, and this keeps me from moving up the pecking order at my job. The breakup doesn't upset me. It's like water off a duck's back, and now I can spread my wings! Ernie is often called a "bird brain" he takes th

Ex-Lover's Leap.

"I'm sorry, Jon, but Henry's perfect. Not only does he make me laugh, he makes me omelets, and he makes me come."

"Sorry, Ted, but my doctor says I need to stay at least 2,600 feet away from old boyfriends."

"Of all the ovens in all the kitchens, she walks into mine."

". . . Remember your old boyfriend from Pennsylvania?"

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"That's Leonard, my old boyfriend – he was 'grandfathered in.'"

"Louise, there's a gentleman here who says that you and he were in love in 1962 but you drifted apet and now he's come back in the hope that we might order a set of encyclopedias."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"