Ex-boyfriend Mugs

'I'm sorry, Frank, but I think I need some space.'

Feedback given at the end of a relationship, may or may not be appreciated,

'Let's face it George, we'll never see eye to eye.'

"It's my ex. He wants to pay me a conjugal visit."

'Let it go, man. I really don't think your ex expects you to break out to attend her wedding. I think she's moved on.'

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

"If you'd like a separate checks I'd like separate tables."

'My last 4 boyfriends spent more time with their cars than they did with me. I hope you don't make the same mistake.'

'I can't go out with you anymore, Roger. You're becoming way too Bill O'Reilly-ish.'

Time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you!...Next exit.

'I should have known, I oculd only ever be just the next best thing,,,' other lover is sliced bread,

"Really, Bob? You sent a drone to break up with me?!"

"That's just an old flame."

"I just thought, maybe, if we could talk, I could at least get a little closure."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"I've been with a lot of gentle woodland creatures who turned out to be real sickies."

"It's not you—it's natural selection."

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"Louise, there's a gentleman here who says that you and he were in love in 1962 but you drifted apet and now he's come back in the hope that we might order a set of encyclopedias."

"Of course, this doesn't mean we can't still be contemporaries."

"That's Leonard, my old boyfriend – he was 'grandfathered in.'"

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."

"Miss me?"

". . . Remember your old boyfriend from Pennsylvania?"

"Of all the ovens in all the kitchens, she walks into mine."

"Sorry, Ted, but my doctor says I need to stay at least 2,600 feet away from old boyfriends."

"I'm sorry, Jon, but Henry's perfect. Not only does he make me laugh, he makes me omelets, and he makes me come."

"I know we broke up months ago, but social distancing has made it too hard to meet new people."

"There are no words for the Olympian heights of my dizzying indifference to you."

"Now make her fall in love with the roommate who's going to quit his job to become a DJ."

Bitches I have Known...

Ex-boyfriend Sleeps on Couch 'Never mind Derrick...he hasn't moved out yet.'

"When are you going to accept the fact that it's over between us?!"

'So you came all the way from Aberdeen to say you've found someone else and you're over me?!' 'Yes! I wanted to see the pain and sense of loss in your eyes.'