Everyday Theorist Gifts

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

Sigmund Freud.

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Must be another paradigm shift."

"Bonk!"

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

Capital

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'Sorry, Professor Kleinzweck -- your 'Chaos Theory' program just crashed.'

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

'The Human Comedy needs a laugh track.'

"This was Professor Brunzberg's office. He spent half his life trying to solve this equation and the other half he has spent wondering who actually cares about this crap."

Mankind

"Is this a good time to bring up a car problem?"

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

The Jerck Manual

"Entanglement meets string theory."

Man and woman with laundry

The Origin of Species

Economics as Rocket Science

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

Evolution explained.

"Can I take out a loan for an ice cream cone?"

"Now where did I park my car?"