Everyday Comedian Pillows

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

Modern Charm

'This is the toothpaste. I asked you for the Preparation H.'

"The light is green..."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. George changed the toilet roll yesterday!"

"I hate the feeling of a cold toilet seat."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'The circle is complete!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

Trump pardons

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

The Rooster Comedian.

A Guide to Balloon Animals