Everyday Comedian Gifts

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

Modern Charm

'This is the toothpaste. I asked you for the Preparation H.'

"The light is green..."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. George changed the toilet roll yesterday!"

"I hate the feeling of a cold toilet seat."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Zombie standup

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Trump pardons

'Your French dip, sir.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'The circle is complete!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

No-Work Orange

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

A Guide to Balloon Animals

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."