Everyday Comedians Pillows

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Excuse me,are you leaving?"

Bumper box of condoms at checkout.

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

Modern Charm

"When I agreed to working closely with you on this project..."

A smart alec boy

Getting employees involved in decision making can help give them a sense of ownership. Sometimes, a little too much.

Memory Foam Mattress.

'Could I have a loan a cup of sugar please?'

'Well, my company can offer the best prices because we've got the lowest personnel expenses!'

'Is it just me or is a good man really that hard to find?'

Snake pulls prank posing for photo

The phone was on the blink, Mom, so I ordered a pizza on eBay!

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. George changed the toilet roll yesterday!"

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"A sense of humour is useful if you work here, especially when it comes to your salary."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

"For calling in sick press two to have our psychic verify your condition."

A foreman at a construction site glares at a smoker and points to the 'Smoking Area' at the end of a high crane.

"For Christmas you got me a roll of wrapping paper? And you wrapped it?"

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"He's brilliant exactly like me, and a lower paid version."

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'