Evangelism Gifts

Want to hear some preaching?

Placed by the Gideons

Jehova's Jet Set

'Hello? Al's Round the World Tours?'

The Mormons

"...I'm from the Jehovah's Witness Life Assurance and Solar Heating Company."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"J is the reason for the season."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Before/After

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"Two vegans, please."

Queen of Quinoa

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'Is this still America?'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."