Euphemism Expert Gifts

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, but I'll use a lot of euphemisms!'

"You're gonna love this place."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Reading my Critics

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

Dog in casino.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

A Poem about Sand

'There are no stupid questions, so let's also agree there are no stupid answers.'

'And in conclusion.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Physicists disputing whether the clock moves backwards or forwards according to season change.

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'