Euphemisms Gifts

"I think I need to use the lamp post."

"Great coffee, Carole."

"You call them slaves. I call them a support group."

Torturing the English Language

"I'm an enigma!"

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

Classic Emojis for sale.

Woman Juggling Emojis

"Either accept the pay reduction or you get sent down to the minors."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

Skate Bored

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

Lesser Known Digits of Pi

'I'd kill for concrete.'

'We must construct our own large hadron collider so that we can obtain results that are consistent with our cultural heritage.'

The Curse of Rhadamanthus (For Pete's Sake)

"I can't decide whether to call it 'wheel' or 'emoji'."

Smiley Victory Fingers

"You're pathetic."

Executive Coach: Specializing in sports metaphores.

A candidate for a job in scientific research being tested for whether she is too impressionable for unbiased independent thinking.

"It's amazing. Nobody's changed."

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, but I'll use a lot of euphemisms!'

Christmas card access

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"Words cannot describe my feelings for your work, so I've sent you a string of vicious emojis."

"Which one is the emoji for immense relief, coupled with general underlying disappointment, tinged with cynicism, anger and apprehension?"

"No you can' 'google' number seven!"

"Deidre's right. 'Challenging current dynamics' sounds better than SNAFU."

Dog emojis.

'Mr Wilks, I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific than 'an unidentified item in the bagging area'.'

Skateboarder discovers his local 'Skate Park' is occupied by parked flatfish.

"I've estimated that I've given you over $100,000 in tech-support over the years. Since you're my dad, I'll give you a discount. I'll take a skateboard."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "My son's expressing curiosity about... well... you know." "I'm worried that maybe it's time to have the talk. How do I tell him about... you know... without making it seem like a good thing? I don't want him to go out and... you know." "I just want him to know how the... you know... works with the... you know... without making him want to go out and... you know." "Maybe you should buy him a book and call it a day." "I don't know..."