Etiquette Observer Pillows

"Judith is someone who needs her sleep."

A guy steals popcorn from the man sitting next to him.

'The post-feminist commuter's dilemma.'

I realise you're not a regular churchgoer...that's actually my seat.

"I wish you'd stop trying to gross everybody out."

"I continue to wear a mask as a courtesy to you. My wife says I have terrible breath."

Mt. Moriah Church Homecoming: Wipe your feet and tuck in that shirt

"Can I ring you back when I have more people around me..?"

"What?"

"Every time I close my correspondence with 'warm regards' I feel a little creepy."

"Burp! Burp! Pardon..."

"If they really come in peace, where are their fruit baskets?"

"Did you just trumpet?"

"At Morgan Stanley, Ms. Brimworth, we do not shout 'Bingo!'"

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

"Oh, he's not being rude. He's a football linesman - always has his back to the crowd."

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'

Cellphone Mania.

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

"You do realize you’re serving with the murder weapon?"

Man with Three Legs on London Underground.

"I'd like you two to meet Will and Diane Clampett. Will is the powerful chairman and chief executive officer of a large multinational corporation, and Diane is his passive-aggressive wife."

'Please give up this seat to those less able to stand.'

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

There's no 'Goodbye' and no 'Hello' in the Eskimo language.

'For heaven's sake Peter, don't be so English about your mobile.'

'Why does the vicar keep saying 'Bless you' when nobody is sneezing?'

'You gotta give him credit for having the courtesy to come out here before spontaneously combusting.'

Mime on invisible phone in restaurant.

'Gesundheit!'

Quilp interupts at tea

"Sir, your sitting here and drinking coffee while simply musing is making our guests uncomfortable."

If you're going to read while you eat, sir, your book will require a dust jacket.

I apologize. I thought my condescending remark would go right over your head.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."