Etiquette Enforcers Pillows

"You ain't gettin' on this train until I get off first."

Lynching on social media

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hipsters"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Don't get up!'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'