Etiquette Critic Pillows

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

"You can't do that, Scott – this is Chicago."

Boy Laughs At Man Who Has Fallen Down.

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

'Are you a footballer?'

Keep your feet on the floor or on the other patrons, but not on the seats,please.

"You're embarrassing yourself again Edward. If you want a bigger wine glass, just ask the waiter."

"Don't interrupt me when I'm texting to you!"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Hipsters"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."