Etiquette Explorist Gifts

"What? It says 'Tip Jar' so I tipped it over."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

'I don't know about the ecosystem, but the economy seems to be on the upswing.'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Of course I discovered America... My marketing team said so."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"All rise."

'D'you have any salt?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'