Etiquette Explorist Gifts

"What? It says 'Tip Jar' so I tipped it over."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'You won't believe this, but even if the vaccine works, they wont give it to other sick mice.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'I don't know about the ecosystem, but the economy seems to be on the upswing.'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Of course I discovered America... My marketing team said so."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'