Etiquette Escapist Gifts

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Actually he's not begging."

'Dang! I always sniff too hard.'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

Ho was your date last night? It didn't go well. I was running late and had to go straight to the restaurant after picking up some body parts. When I sat down, she said I have bad manners buecause I put elbows on the table. So then I tried to pay her a compliment but she just started screaming and ran out! What was the compliment? I said I found her attractive because of her brain.

A couple at a funeral balance their plate on the deceased's nose.

"No, we have not booked a table. But, we brought our own!"

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Yes, John's here, but he can't come to the phone at the moment. He's had a hard day so he's taking some time in his bouncy saucer.'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Politeness opens doors

"Good evening, Sir. I’m Ian, your server with a serious attitude."

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'Where do you expect to see yourself in five lifetimes?'

"Excuse me, sorry, is anyone using this chair?"

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Cannibal Moms : "Remember kids, no dessert until you eat all or your vegetarian!"