Etiquette Escapist Gifts

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Actually he's not begging."

'Dang! I always sniff too hard.'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

A couple at a funeral balance their plate on the deceased's nose.

"No, we have not booked a table. But, we brought our own!"

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

'Yes, John's here, but he can't come to the phone at the moment. He's had a hard day so he's taking some time in his bouncy saucer.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'Where do you expect to see yourself in five lifetimes?'

"Good evening, Sir. I’m Ian, your server with a serious attitude."

"Excuse me, sorry, is anyone using this chair?"

Politeness opens doors

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

Cannibal Moms : "Remember kids, no dessert until you eat all or your vegetarian!"