Conversation Escapist Gifts

"Your faucet is running."

Houdini 2019

To counteract the pub bore Al cultivated the ancient art of sleeping with his eyes open.

Distress flare.

Bo're'droom

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

"Slowly begin to reawaken the body with thoughts of unread E-mails, piles of dirty laundry, and the kids you have to pick up from school."

"Outta my way. I need to check my email!"

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

Academics at the Beach: Professor Wilson receives his email messages by the use of willpower alone.

'Take down that stupid sign! It's giving me a headache!'

I'd like to order a power outage. Huh? My wife's on her phone all day, my son plays video games nonstop. My boss finds me by email wherever and whenever. My pager rings 'round the clock! Say again? I was text messaging. Pull the plug, man!

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'Where do you expect to see yourself in five lifetimes?'

Spam.

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

"And in order to align the designated objectives withthe fiscally driven cross functional departmental...did you understand any of that?" "Only the blah! blah! bit."

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"Don't you dare try to sneak out of this cartoon!"

"Let me assure you voters that my life is an open email...at least it is since that last Russian cyber attack."

Spam.

"No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?"

"Now we'll all close our eyes and cover our ears, and the person who took the four hundred and twenty-eight million dollars will put it back."

Try out this summer's hot novels in a beach setting

"Not again!"

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).