Etiquette Explorers Gifts

'Dad, I know we're supposed to hate postmen, but what is the etiquette for couriers?'

"Hold on, some guy is trying to talk me about soup."

"Call me incensitive, but I can’t stand the way it smells."

10 Items or Less. Express Only. Don't worry --- I plan to pay for them ten at a time.

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

'We don't talk about torture at the dinner table!'

"Was that you, you filthy pig?"

Cannibal Moms : "Remember kids, no dessert until you eat all or your vegetarian!"

"You've all been convicted of not answering your texts in a timely manner. After this mandatory class, you will be released back into society."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

First, do no harm. - Physician's oath. First, do no harm to each other. - Patient's oath. That second one is going to be tricky someday, Hippocrates.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."