Etiquette Examiner Gifts

"Must you people always call during state dinners?"

Lynching on social media

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Hipsters"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."