Ethics Board Member Gifts

"The strange part is I put more work into my fraudulent experiments than into my honest ones"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Anonymous Donations

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

'You may be chairman of the board, but the ethics committee would still like to talk to you about your trip to Vegas.'

Senate ethics committee - no fatties!

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

"The ethics committee apologizes for running off to Vegas with company funds, and promises to work overtime to make amends."

"Tell me again. Do we weaponize, then monetize, or the other way around?"

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'