Ethics Official Gifts

"We're an oversight committee, but we do it more in the sense of overlooking."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

Anonymous Donations

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

"Rudy, did you realize it's illegal for a boss to tell his minion how to vote?...And that therefore, I would never tell you to vote for my friend Patsy Marionette, for city council?"

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

'Astonishing! I just used a compass to follow the moral course of our company!'

Senate ethics committee - no fatties!

'You may be chairman of the board, but the ethics committee would still like to talk to you about your trip to Vegas.'

"Tell me again. Do we weaponize, then monetize, or the other way around?"

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

"The ethics committee apologizes for running off to Vegas with company funds, and promises to work overtime to make amends."

'You'll love this new computer, sir! It has a program to delete obscene words like sharp drop...'

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'It has to be understandable, Higbe. A code of ethics is not actually to be written in code.'