Corporate Ethics Officer Gifts

'I won't be able to chair next week's ethics committee meeting. My bail's been revoked.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

'Risky, but I like it!'

"Well here's my idea: Why don't we try serving better coffee than them?"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Sportswasher's

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I don't care if you are the CEO of a large oil company, you can't claim your soul as a business loss.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

Business isn't booming.