Ethical Marketing Advocate Gifts

'Don't tell me they're not marketing their stuff to kids!'

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Squeezing the Free Press.

Create some buzz!

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Slavery Reparations

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

Gullib-Os

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

Anonymous Donations

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Consumption Graph.

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

Arms Industry increases sales by 8.5%

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

"It's not easy being green…"

Free-range C.E.O.s

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

"And getting rarer by the day, madam!"

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

Cleaning Out the WildLife for New Residential Construction.

One Dollar, One Vote

'This is one of the drawbacks to leading by example.'