Ethical Marketer Gifts

"We should appeal to their greed, without, of course, actually appealing to their greed."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Honestly, doing the right thing is going to be a big change for us."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

Consumption Graph.

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'Could you tell me where the organic locally-grown vine-ripened union-picked kiwis are?'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Free-range C.E.O.s

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

"And getting rarer by the day, madam!"

One Dollar, One Vote

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."