Eternity Analyst Gifts

'Heaven's great. It's just that now there's nothing to look forward to.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

Truth

Off Duty.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"You are still here."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

Modern Life Blues

"Are you talking down to me, Evans? Because I don't like it when people talk down to me."

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

Postcards from Heaven...

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'We're looking for bold, innovative strategies to pretty much maintain the status quo.'

"If you can't take it with you, this must be Hell."

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

"Very funny."

Damned if you do...

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Earth became too small. I had to opt for a bigger planet for hell.'

'If you're a public servant, what does that make ME?'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'Edward de Vere? -- give me a break!'

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'I can't help politicizing everything!'

"He looks so natural."

'So do I get the job or not?'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."