Afterlife Analyst Gifts

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'I thought you did fine, but I'm afraid you didn't test well with the focus group.'

"Oh them, They're contrarians."

'Congratulations - here's your black ball, you've been appointed to the membership committee,'

'I was innocent.'

"'Damned if you do, Damned if you don't', … Talk about 'win, win'."

'Well, your morals seem to check out. Now we just need to run your credit report...'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

'The Joy Of Sending People To Hell'.

'You're taking my life completely out of context.'

"Did you bring your own lawyer or would you like for us to appoint now."

"No, we don't grant immunity for testifying against other people!"

'How can this be heaven when there's no trees?'

'Well, your morals seem to check out. Now we just need to run your credit report...'

Sign in Heaven: BEWARE OF NOTHING

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

"You think this is hot? You shoulda been here in the summer of nineteen-ought-six! That was a hot one! Yes, sir-ee...!"

....Today the new economic forecasts get published...and that means we have to work overtime...sorry.

'We may have to lower our standards.'

Devil standing by entrance to heaven, with caption 'Buy any spare tickets...'

'Doctor Norton was your doctor too?'

'They just want to make sure no one takes anything with them.'

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'Henry was really counting on dying.'

"That's the setup. And the punchline is: 'And then they die!'"

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

Postcards from Heaven...

Damned if you do...

"A counter offer? Really, sir?"

"Before you come in could we have some feedback on your death experience?"

Possible Merger Talks

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"So a vicar is really like a ticket tout for heaven?"

"What's the wi-fi like?"

"Now I know what 'zero tolerance for error' means."