Eternal Latecomer Pillows

The inventor of the clock realizes his mistake

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

Niche Extracurriculars

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

'Tony says he'll marry you when he gets back from his poker run. It totally slipped his mind that it was this weekend.'

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

Bed and Lunch: For People Who Like To Sleep In

'Sorry I'm late - My alarm must have gone off while I was asleep.'

"Nope. No mistake. You’ve been booked... forever."

'He was competitive to the very end.'

'Sorry I'm late, I was caught in a hole in the space time continuum.'

'Myself, I'm not a morning person, so I'm definitely not interested in one of those up-at-the-crack-of-dawn types, you know what I mean?'

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

'Al was competitive to the end!'

"Sorry I'm late, I was asleep when my alarm went off."

"Talk for all of eternity, just $29 a month."

'Oh look, it's Mr Palmer.'

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

"Well? We're late and all the good trees are taken."

"Baldo, get up! It's 1 o'clock in the afternoon! And take that auto window tint off your windows!"

"You've got to be kidding. It's freaking noon!!"

"If Mr. Jackel ever gets here, ask him about this award for always being late at his last job."

"Joan has a 'young voice' for her age!"

They called him the Olympic Flame because he never went out.

'Sorry I'm late - I was asleep when my alarm went off.'

'What kind of immortality plan do you offer?'

'Um... no. I don't think so.'

"Sorry I'm late, Ms. Dow. The electricity went off last night and we didn't wake up 'til 12:00 12:00 12:00 12:00..."

"It's time for Eric's jump start to the day."

"Wouldn't ya know it! Sunday morning, and some a******s house is on fire, or he's having a heart attack. or the cops are..."