Chronically Late Enthusiast Pillows

"Sorry I'm late, but I was somewhere else."

'Wow, these lights stay on the red cycle for a very long time.'

"How come I can't remember what I forget, but I always remember that I forgot something!"

'The Rush Orders department is a shambles, Briggs, and I think you're just the man to turn it around,'

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

"Please forgive us for being so late- we had parking issues."

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'I'll do half of it.'

David Letterman

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

Tea and Sugar Rationing

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

'-and what makes YOU so sure my missus is waiting up for me?'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

Carpe Noctem - Seize the Night

"I just got home. Let me roost a bit."

"We're running late. Just pick a facial expression already."

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

Speed Checked By Radar.

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

'Sorry, Bill's out of his office today, he should be back Monday.'

"One day junior, all this will be yours..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

King George VI

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"It's the kind of trade you get at an all-night supermarket, kid."

Tortoise Mailman.