Latecomer's Lamenter Pillows

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

Niche Extracurriculars

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

The inventor of the clock realizes his mistake

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

"God, I hate cows."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

'Sorry I'm late, I was caught in a hole in the space time continuum.'

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."

"I swear by all that is decent. Someday I will triumph over this act of paltry atonement! Otherwise known as payday."

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

"My previous internet girlfriend recently dumped me in a rather cruel fashion...she showed no emoticon."