Loss Lamenter Pillows

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

MBA, PhD £100,000 student loan. Please Help.

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"God, I hate cows."

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

Boring Inc. It was business as usual.

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

"Trouble is that I can't look for my glasses until I find them!"

"I swear by all that is decent. Someday I will triumph over this act of paltry atonement! Otherwise known as payday."

"My previous internet girlfriend recently dumped me in a rather cruel fashion...she showed no emoticon."

"Drat that <*@^!%i*> circuit breaker. It'll never get the job done."