Latecomer's Lamenter Gifts

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

Niche Extracurriculars

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

The inventor of the clock realizes his mistake

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

Another Degree and Deeper in Debt

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

"God, I hate cows."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

Bank Student Loan Dept. You're only repaying a small fraction of your student loans? Yeah, because at this point I've forgotten almost everything I learned in college.

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

'Sorry I'm late, I was caught in a hole in the space time continuum.'

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

Leftover quorn for Peel. - 'What have we here? Leftover quorn.' - 'Oh, no! Tragedy strikes... now my only option is takeaway.' -

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

"I swear by all that is decent. Someday I will triumph over this act of paltry atonement! Otherwise known as payday."