Love Lamenter Gifts

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

"My previous internet girlfriend recently dumped me in a rather cruel fashion...she showed no emoticon."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

"Our love is magical. In other words, a grand illusion."

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

Lemming meringue pie.

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

"God, I hate cows."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

Boring Inc. It was business as usual.

'Please excuse Josh's tardiness. The American academy of pediatrics has recommended a later start to the school day for teens.'

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'Just my luck - in a previous life I jumped off Beachy Head.'

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."