Loan Lamenter Gifts

'I'm now ready to make my own way in the world. But first, can you guys loan me 200 grand to pay off my student loan?'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

'It's only temporary. My student loans didn't quite carry me until social security.'

"I don't have the $39,000 I need to pay off my student loans - I don't even have the comma."

"I'm doing hard time - 25 years to life for student loans."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

MBA, PhD £100,000 student loan. Please Help.

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

"God, I hate cows."

"It seems like nowadays nobody appreciates the problems facing the super-wealthy."

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

"Do you remember when all we had to worry about was growing stuff?"

'You borrowed $27,000 over the years to study computer sciences. According to our files, you now owe us $1.83.'

'All right already - I'll change your litter box.'

The Trials and Tribulations of Superheroes.

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

"You have a pre-existing condition...your credit score."

"I'm full of an unspeakable sadness and it goes a little something like this..."

'What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

'I know I'm a small investor. What makes me mad is that when I started with you I was a large investor."

'Which carries a more favorable interest rate, an auto loan or a home improvement loan? My mobile home needs a new transmission.'

'Sorry folks you've missed this cartoon.'

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

'They'll have to better than that.'

'Just so you know, the spoiler alert didn't ease the pain of being dumped.'

"I swear by all that is decent. Someday I will triumph over this act of paltry atonement! Otherwise known as payday."

"My previous internet girlfriend recently dumped me in a rather cruel fashion...she showed no emoticon."

"We've decided to change your punishment -- from now on, you will purchase a lotter ticket every week, only to have your hopes come crashing down each time you inevitably lose."