Livestock Lamenter Gifts

"God, I hate cows."

Chase me, chase me cows.

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'I see Farmer Grayson is off to dust the crops again!'

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'That's cow. What do cows say, Jimmy? Cows say moo. Look Jimmy, a chicken.'

'After reviewing my student loans, I wrote my thesis on deficit spending.'

'Hello, Ma'am. I'm a college graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door to help pay for the fortune I borrowed to take a course that had nothing to do with selling vacuums... and how are you doing?'

Banks hand out umbrellas in good weather and take them back when it rains.

"We raise our beef humanely."

Genetics Lab. You developed a dwarf cow? I call it "mini-moo"!

Clang clang. Uncle Ernie, why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.

"Daisy, Daisy, I've seen the farmer filling in the forms: We're going to the Agricultural Show!"

Shepherd

'Considering my student debt, I felt it prudent to specialize in bankruptcy law,'

Another Degree and Deeper in Debt

'Why are you taking Gas-X?' 'To preserve the ozone.'

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

“They look like last year’s models.”

"We haven't lowered our fees, but we do offer discounted grief counseling."

"When I was a child, I lost childish amounts of money, but when I became a man I put away childish losses and started losing man-sized amounts of money."

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn't called me back. Do you think she still likes me?! Ahh! Now it's an hour and one minute! Love is a beautiful thing.

"We're raising them for turkey bacon."

According to this program, cows have four stomachs so they can digest the grasses they eat. You must be watching "Graze Anatomy."

"Say . . . what kind of cow are you?"

Quick! To the Other Side of the Field.

'That's because they won't let you die until you pay your student loans.'

'Mmm thanks for the delicious blueberry lolly chaps.'

Bank Student Loan Dept. You're only repaying a small fraction of your student loans? Yeah, because at this point I've forgotten almost everything I learned in college.

Cornucopia

'I knew she was a kicker.'