Eternal Humorists Gifts

"It's amazing how some people manage to make all of eternity seem even longer."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Science fiction fans on other planets

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Champagne at the hunt

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"Well if it isn't Mr J.R.Hartley!"

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

'I'm afraid we already have a St. Bernard up here.'

"I thought the snow would never start"

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."