Eternal Humorists Gifts

"It's amazing how some people manage to make all of eternity seem even longer."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Atomic Bear: Part 21

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

Science fiction fans on other planets

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Champagne at the hunt

"Well if it isn't Mr J.R.Hartley!"

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

We never fly anywhere anymore.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Time Travelers from the 21st Century.

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"I thought the snow would never start"

'I'm afraid we already have a St. Bernard up here.'

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'