Elemental Humorist Gifts

Don't be surprized, I'm combining Oxygen and Magnesium. OMg!

"You're going to hate yourself."

Football Chameleon

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The Eggsorcist"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

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The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Champagne at the hunt

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Man blows horn and bubbles come out.

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

Murphy bed...Murphy.

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'A lower salary will allow you to simplify your lifestyle.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"It may only be two sentences long but I've finally done it. Written the great male romance novel."

"I love it when they come with warning labels."