Elemental Humorist Gifts

Don't be surprized, I'm combining Oxygen and Magnesium. OMg!

"You're going to hate yourself."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Football Chameleon

Atomic Bear: Part 21

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"The Eggsorcist"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

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The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Champagne at the hunt

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Man blows horn and bubbles come out.

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

'My acne is worst on the dark side.'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"It may only be two sentences long but I've finally done it. Written the great male romance novel."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

'A lower salary will allow you to simplify your lifestyle.'

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'