Estate Manager Gifts

Contest of wills.

'He's gone. Call the auctioneer.'

Eat your heart out estate sale!

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Look, son, real estate."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Do you have any properties with a termite infestation?'

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'