Property Management Gifts

'Supply' and 'Demand' arm wrestle keeping the 'Industrial real estate market' steady

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"Does the co-op board have any idea when the elevators will be replaced?"

'Relax Cookie. I'll call the mold monster experts!'

'I don't know about you, but I could do with a break.'

warning signs on a house

'It comes in handy at high tide'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'Damp? The bath's got a ring round its OUTSIDE!'

For Rent - Formerly not for rent.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

'Office amenities' dangled by 'Leasing agents'

I sold my house and my landlord's furious!

'Twenty five thosand dollars is a great deal when you consider this land is 75 million years old.'

Backlog of industrial real estate.

'This is close enough.'

"This is me with the company who maintain ou heating systems and here I am on site with our fire risk assessors...."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'Hey, you clowns! Get outa' my yard!'

"About that house I bought from you three years ago - the heating system keeps breaking down, the pipes leak, the foundation is cracking...I want my money back."

Property Management (Scam) Company

"The HOA doesn't like our rock arrangement."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"He refuses to even consider getting an agent until our house has been on the market 700 days."

"Of course, the current tenant will be gone before the first of the month."

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

Beware of the Landlord

William and Real Estate

"I'll email the landlord."

"Well, you've just gone over the line in breaking the no pets, no smokers clause in the rental agreement, Mr. Crawford."

"Potential buyers of the company are coming through today. Tell everyone to look sharp and put a few bowls of potpourri here and there."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"It's a no-go area."