Property Maintenance Professionals Gifts

Timber preservation

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Look, son, real estate."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

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"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"I rented out the basement."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

"The pH level seems a little off."

"I couldn't keep up the payments."

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

A large bird house with many compartments; one is labeled "Sup't.".

"Privare equity bought the dam and jacked up rent. Nests are next."

"Potential buyers of the company are coming through today. Tell everyone to look sharp and put a few bowls of potpourri here and there."

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.