Property Management Warrior Gifts

'Feel free to attack the mirror, but please, don't mess up the cupboard again, Mr Bird.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Look, son, real estate."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"I rented out the basement."

Timber preservation

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'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

'I'll say this for you young Thoreu - he certainly does make good use of his pond.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'