Estate Agents Gifts

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."

'The previous owner broke his leash ...I mean, lease.'

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

'For rent'

"Sorry, mate, they didn't leave a forwarding address"

"you can feel secure knowing that you have your own personal deterrent?"

"Interior walls white sliced skimmed with dream topping."

"It looked bigger on Zillow."

Within your budget central London MIGHT be a problem. What about central Ulan Bator?"

Removals van with men carrying furniture from a house

"This 'ranch style' bungalow you're trying to flog us looks like it was built by cowboys!"

'And this is the anti-gravitational room.'

Estate Agent - 'We'd like to sell our central heating system.'

'There's a desperate need for new housing...'

Water on board

The Movers Strip - Use of mirrors in selling a property

'I'll give you 1.2 million for that!'

House Price.

"These days everybody is trying to make a buck!"

"It needs a bit of work."

Mortgages up 'Where?'

'Premature Evaluation.'

'We did have something in your price range, but the Luftwaffe bombed it in 1940.'

'And you hardly hear the neighbours, just the occasional shot gun bang.'

Estate Agent Aftershave.

'Maybe we could liven things up by getting a hub airport.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"