Estate Agent Gifts

Dog Realtor

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

'This is my dream house alright, but in my dream it was about half this price.'

'I just figure out why this house isn't selling.'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

"Three bedrooms, living room, dining room, and a little room to negotiate."

'Would you mind holding my printer, my other phone is ringing!'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'Good point. It's been on the market far too long. I'll change the picture. I shouldn't be smiling.'

"So make me an offer."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

'...And a free set of tools goes with it.'

"Can we close before the next Fed meeting?"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

'...and this home includes a heated garage.'

'Never mind how far it is from the railroad station. We want to know about asbestos, radon, water pollutants and formaldehyde.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Excellent cell phone reception location 25 cents rent.'

"Good news, they accepted your offer!"

For Sale Buy Owner.

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'I'll take it!'

"Sure, there are commuting issues! But look at the view!"

'Tell him we'll pay his asking price if the goose stays.'

'Well, it wasn't easy, but I finally found you a house in your price range!'

"Can't you just see us sitting here every morning with our coffee, gazing out the window and worrying about how to pay the mortgage?"

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

House for sale in between house of the Hatfields and McCoy's.

Almost sold.

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

'Well what a coincidence! I was in property too!'

'I'm not gonna lie to you. . . They all seem geometrically identical to me.'