Estate Agent Gifts

Dog Realtor

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

'This is my dream house alright, but in my dream it was about half this price.'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

"Three bedrooms, living room, dining room, and a little room to negotiate."

'Would you mind holding my printer, my other phone is ringing!'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"So make me an offer."

'Good point. It's been on the market far too long. I'll change the picture. I shouldn't be smiling.'

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"Can we close before the next Fed meeting?"

'The roof needs icing.'

'...And a free set of tools goes with it.'

"Great for worship then! Great for retail now!"

'Never mind how far it is from the railroad station. We want to know about asbestos, radon, water pollutants and formaldehyde.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Excellent cell phone reception location 25 cents rent.'

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'...and this home includes a heated garage.'

"Good news, they accepted your offer!"

For Sale Buy Owner.

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

"Can't you just see us sitting here every morning with our coffee, gazing out the window and worrying about how to pay the mortgage?"

"Sure, there are commuting issues! But look at the view!"

'I'll take it!'

'Well, it wasn't easy, but I finally found you a house in your price range!'

'Tell him we'll pay his asking price if the goose stays.'

'Rising damp? Nah! That's our Nan with her pot of tea. Terrible hiccups always. . .'

Almost sold.

'I can confidently say...it will sell for squillions!' (Premature Evaluation).

'Well what a coincidence! I was in property too!'

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

House for sale in between house of the Hatfields and McCoy's.