Error Detective Gifts

'Did you gt a CSS Redundancy Checker?'

'84% of our losses are due to accounting errors.'

Accounting makes a 300 million dollar error, yet they always nail me on my expense account.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Computer Expert

Where was I?

Terry had a computer bug.

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Alternative Medicine

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

Clickbait

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

The new Physics

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

"Prove you're not a human Select the squares with a bike Skip"

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.